Unhappy in a relationship - how to tell

Posted by Akila, 07 May

There are lots of cases where a person can be unhappy in relationship and yet unable to tell what is causing that unhappiness. It can even be harder to know what to change to make you happier seeing as another party is involved. That is how complicated relationships can be. Question is when you deep in it, can you be able to pinpoint whether it’s the relationship that is making you unhappy or maybe it’s just general unhappiness?

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Signs you are unsatisfied with relationship

There are some of us who just love the idea of being in relationships. Whether we are happy or not, it doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that we are attached. Do you know someone like that? Are you the kind of person who feels like everything isn’t right with your relationship but you are still in it trying to convince yourself that that is how all relationships are? That relationships aren’t easy? That relationships require work?

Yes, relationships have their ups and downs. But if you are unsatisfied with relationship, deep down I believe you will know. The ups will be more than the downs. If you are happy, then you will be in a position to work out the downs and move past them. So even if no relationship is perfect, there are some reflags that could be a sign of a downward spiral ahead.

So if you are pondering whether you are actually unhappy, then maybe you are also contemplating about the steps to take about it. If you are having a hard time telling whether you are unhappy in your relationship, maybe these signs should help you narrow things down…

Dreading commitment

If you’ve been in an exclusive relationship with someone for more than a year and the thought of even being engaged to that person scares the sh** out of you, then chances are you are unhappy in relationship. Maybe you are in an unhappy relationship but love him. Who knows. The thing is, if you are happy, the thought of taking the next step should be exciting to you. If you have a hesitant bone in you that you can’t explain, then you are not happy.

Contempt for your partner

Contempt. Need I say more? If you have been pushed to this point, now is not to the time to ask how to get out of an unhappy relationship. Now is the time to GET OUT! PERIOD! The moment you start treating your partner as inferior, that’s the moment you know contempt has checked in. If you find yourself enjoying moments when you make your partner feel worthless, then it means you hate that person.

On the other hand, if your partner makes you feel worthless and it makes you really lose your self-worth, then you are also unhappy. Don’t start giving people the I love my boyfriend but I am not happy line. If he treats you with contempt and despises you, nothing good will ever come out of it. Its disaster from thereon… If you start resenting someone for things you ones love them for, then the relationship is as good as dead.

You can’t be yourself around your partner

Does your partner make you feel uncomfortable being you? Do you feel tired that you have to change the core of your whole being just to please them? Are you afraid of being yourself because you are scared of what they might do to you or are afraid you will lose them?

If you feel like he or she is dragging you down by making you feel uncomfortable in your own skin, then you are miserable in relationship. People in happy relationships feel free to walk, talk, look, breath, move, and do all the things that make them unique.

Always snooping

Mutual trust and mutual respect are necessary for any relationship to thrive. Now, here is one thing we have to just lay it out on the table… EVERYONE SNOOPS!!! If you are snooping on your partner, then you are definitely trying to find something you think they are hiding from you.

Now, its human to have some doubts. But if you find yourself snooping every waking moment and questioning everything about your partner, then you are definitely unhappy in relationship. Or, you are just trying to find a reason for how to get out of an unhappy relationship.

Imagining a happier life single

We all have fantasies, right… Even when we are with the partners we love dearly, we still find ourselves imagining being with other people sexually… or meeting someone new. Now, this doesn’t really mean that one is planning to act on these fantasies.

But, if all you think about is a happier life without your partner, then you are probably not happy at all. You probably feel you are un a wrong relationship and you can’t wait for the day you will get out. If you are not in the slightest bit imagining some kind of life in the future together, then you are clearly done.

Depressed about going home to your partner

Now, we all know… we all have our good and bad days. That happens in relationships too. So if you constantly hate the fact that time has come to go home to be with your partner, then clearly, there is a relationship challenge. One needs to be comfortable in their own home.

Whatever it is you might be dreading, it must be bad. So don’t start convincing yourself that you are in an unhappy relationship but love him. If you find yourself avoiding being under the same roof with him or her, then you are clearly unhappy. When you yearn to be alone all the time and you are not sure why then you need to start figuring out why am I so unhappy in my relationship.

Other people besides your partner always come first

It is important to have a life outside of your relationship. It’s healthy to make time for people other than your partner. But if you find yourself always prioritizing your friends and family over your partner then that is a sure sign of being unhappy in relationship.

It is Ok to rely on friends and family for emotional support. But if you find that you no longer have a desire to seek support from your partner, then clearly you don’t feel safe enough to be vulnerable with them.

Feeling so alone

I love my boyfriend but I am not happy. This is something that some people in relationships will declare especially when they feel alone. The thing is, it is possible to be in a relationship and still be very lonely. And one of the reasons could be the situation where a couple is living parallel lives… lives are not intertwined at any point.

The thing about being in a happy relationship is the feeling that you’re in it together. So if you reach a point where you start feeling that you are in it alone, then something is amiss. The feeling of loneliness means that your partner is not as emotionally available as they once were.

If you are asking yourself why am I so unhappy in my relationship, maybe it’s because you no longer feel like you are a team. So if you find that you are shutting down and are becoming unresponsive to your partner, then chances are you are unhappy.

Feeling there is nothing else to fight for

Now, there is usually the common knowledge that when there are too many arguments between a couple, then that is a sure sign that the relationship is headed for the gutter. Much as that is indeed true, the opposite is also true.

Have you ever heard people say that when a woman stops complaining, that is when a man should be worried most?

The thing is, conflict is healthy in relationships. It means that those in the relationship are conscious about maintaining the health of the relationship. It means that someone is invested.

So if you find yourself caring less about your partner’s bad behavior, then it means that you are getting fed up. It means that they have pushed you to a point of no return.

Nothing positive to say about the relationship

Even in those very bad relationships, I believe there is always something positive left to say. But if all you can do is think of the bad, nothing good whatsoever, then you are unhappy in relationship. The constant feeling of unhappiness and lack of satisfaction means it’s time to just pull the plug on that one.

Yes, relationships have ups and downs. But if you are in one where you don’t seem to catch a break from the bad, you may want to rethink your status. Don’t feel stuck. If it’s too much work, it’s not working. Do not ignore some of the above signs. Ignoring them might do more harm than good to your relationship.

For more articles on love and relationships visit Love is All Colors.

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